Faith, Faith, Flour, & Sawdust

Dear body……

Dear broken body,

Thank you, you always find a way to send a reminder that you are still there. You have a tendency to remind me daily of what constant pain feels like. You remind me that my guts are defective. But, you remind me that no matter what, you are working hard to stay alive. I know it can’t be easy working with what you have, but there is no way around that.

I feed you pills and treatments just to keep moving forward. Forward the only way we can move, backward is not an option. I know it’s not easy for you, and it’s certainly not easy for me. Body, you frustrate me most of the time, like when all is well and then suddenly, things fall apart. You wait for the worst possible moment to crash and burn.

Dear forever ill body, you completely confuse my doctors; it can be funny at times, but mostly it creates problems. There are days I wake up feeling great and then you get bored, life with you being bored is never a good thing. There are so many days of canceling with friends and family because you can’t get your crap together. Sometimes you just get bored and become a drama queen; this can especially ruin my day. I know you don’t mean to go haywire, body. I know you are fighting hard in there. I’m glad you don’t give up easily because neither do I. Honestly, normal is overrated.

My dear chronically ill body, God didn’t make you this way on purpose – it just happened. But it’s what I do with my circumstances that counts. I appreciate you being different, because while it’s not easy by any means you keep going.

Chronically ill body, thank you for every good day you give me, thank you for using bad days to tell me you need rest and thank you for just another moment. I will not let you rule my life, but I promise that if you need me, I will give you the attention you deserve. I promise not to let you get worse if I can help it. Body, if it wasn’t for you and the grace of God, I wouldn’t be here. I know I’m not fighting alone; you are fighting just as hard with me. God has given us a journey that may be crazy, but it’s truly blessed. I pray that God continues to help you breathe life into me, because we have so much life left to live.