Faith, Flour, & Sawdust

Feeling of failure

I feel like such a failure at everything I try. I become so sure that I can make something work. At first I work really hard and I sit back and wait for results and get nothing. I will paddle my own canoe, even if it is just a box on my kitchen floor.

I’m tired of watching myself stay with things that aren’t worth it. Jobs that suck the life out of you and make you miserable. Relationships that are not life filling, where you pour into someone and nothing is recived back. Like moldy fruit and you put a new piece by it and then you have 2 pieces of fruit that are moldy.

It is time to stop punishing myself and start working for myself. I am a perfectionist and over the years this has lead me to failure not success. We need to learn failure to appreciate success that much more. I am weird and I am ok with that. I am not perfect, I am an oddball.

How do I get my independence without a job? I found that I can have a small job in a field I love and still make money. I have had to tap into a market that is not yet booming in my area. I have to do it with my loving Christian heart.

Think of the things that make me happiest in life. My children, my husband, and my pets. Running around in a dinosaur suit. Leading two small groups at my church, with wonderful women of faith.

What gives me satisfaction? Doing a job well and to the best of my ability. Knowing that I did the best job I could. Doing things for people and not expecting anything in return. Asking my friends in their time of need, “what do you need” and know they can count on me.

I really enjoy being a homemaker. I always knew I wanted to be a mom and wife. I was always told that is nice but what do you really want to be when you grow up? Why is being a wife and mom a wrong answer? This is the calling that God has given to me. I have fought him on this and been miserable. When I listen to God and follow his plan for me I am happier, my family is better, and life is good.

I am not a quitter. I need a course correction. I believe I have found that correction in my church life, family, and dog walking business. I make my own schedule, I don’t over do it. I don’t accept each dog owner that asks. The dogs are my clients, the owners are secondary, and the welfare of the animal always comes before profit.

What if we put the welfare of other before profit in every aspect of life? What kind of world could we make? Kindness would be everywhere and in everyone. Maybe then we would feel less like a failure in this demanding world. Think about it.

Love everyone, trust few, and paddle your own canoe.