Faith, Faith, Flour, & Sawdust

I am not broken, I am OK

Life falling into place

The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole life fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly. This life likes to push us to our limits, most of the time we come through better for the experience. Sometimes we fall into a black abyss of despair and hopelessness. I have learned that feeling broken doesn’t mean that you should just give up entirely. What it does mean is you need to take a step back and let those feelings come to the surface.

We all feel broken from time to time because life can seem heartbreaking and terrifying when we go through certain experiences. I have learned that these life lessons only make us stronger and more capable of dealing with life. I use your brokenness as a gift that will help me grow as a person. The more time I spend with God, the more I find he is calling for me to connect with, to live, and to serve.

Work in progress

My last year has been marked with heartache, disappointment, pain, and learning to live again. I feel broken at times when the pain is too much and meditation is not working. I am not prescribed painkillers and I can’t take over the counter medication due to drug interactions. When I am in curled up in a ball on the couch or in bed is when I feel the black abyss trying to swallow me up and I feel broken.

We all have bad or negative emotions, if you didn’t I would start looking for a CPU on you. We all need to cry, scream, fall to our knees and accept the waves of emotions that sometimes come over us. When we keep all this under the surface it tends to backfire in the end. Pushing them down and not dealing with them only delays the breakdown. This is why you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders. It is so hard to be brave and face these emotions, this is the only way you can work through them and figure out what is going on.

When you look at me don’t see brokenness. See the beauty that is me, see the beauty that God created. I am not a project, I am a work in progress.

Let the Light In

Being broken from time to time is ok and good for you. It is in these times of broken that God’s brokenness is allowed to filter in. There would be no place for the light to enter your soul if you did not have a moment of brokenness. It takes awful, heart-wrenching experiences for us to see all the good in the world and God sometimes. It is a gentle reminder to us that our soul needs an adjustment or transformation. Having only positive, uplifting experiences all the time, we would have no room to grow and no life experiences that would challenge us to become more resilient, powerful servants of God.

Failures

After my spectacular failures, I could not be satisfied with an ordinary success. Life is not an easy ride and if you were told that, I am sorry they lied to you. Life-experiences have a way of breaking you open, they tear you apart, and rebuild you into a better version of yourself. You must accept that you might fail; then, if you do your best and still don’t win, at least you can be satisfied that you’ve tried. If you don’t accept failure as a possibility, you don’t set high goals, you don’t branch out, you don’t try – you don’t take the risk.

Remember your why

We all came here to love with all of our hearts, that is the way God created us. You can easily overlook or forget your mission here on Earth, but going through hard times actually gives your purpose more depth. If you didn’t go through unpleasant experiences, you wouldn’t be able to relate to so many other people on this planet who go through hard times almost every day. Jesus was put on Earth as a human so that he could relate to our hardships, so he could be human and feel human things. God understands you better than you think he does. Don’t turn away from him in your time of need, Keep your “why” in mind, and reflect on the negative situations, you will have more well-rounded perspective and better serve your purpose.

Friends and family

Your friends and family will comfort you and be your rock when you need them. I know you can feel like a whiny baby that never has their act together but stop and ask for help. Don’t hesitate to ask them for help, because we all need some help when we go through a rough patch in life. If you feel like a burden on them, just remember all the times you were there for them; the people who care about you would gladly do the same for you.

My friends and loved ones pray for me. We have talked, but not a lot of encouragement comes. No one’s knows what I am going through, each person has a different experience. I just have to remember that they are there for me and want to help.

Love Me

While I love the prayers my friends say for me what I really need for them to do is just love me. This will be more than enough. Love me. “I am as my creator made me and since He is satisfied, so am I” When I am on the verge of giving up, I want a hug. I want to be told that no matter how I feel, I am worthy of being loved. I want them to be a blessing to me, I want to be a blessing from them. I want to combine our broken pieces and see the magic and beauty that God has in store for us.

My Granny B used to tell me that I am enough. I need to believe that each day, God is screaming it at me. I am enough. I am enough. You are enough.

Have a blessed day, Love the ones you are with and remember we are not guaranteed tomorrow.