Faith, Faith, Flour, & Sawdust

Joy and Spoonies

I got guts

Too bad I have bad guts, but I have them none the less. Maybe the hardest part of this disease, is that no one wants to talk about it. The subject of one’s poop has been taboo for so many years that it’s embarrassing to talk about. I am a pretty transparent person and I will tell you if you ask. I think people need to be educated on the disease even if it is gross.

Joyful today I am not

Since reading Margaret Feinberg’s book Fight back with Joy, I try to be joyful when dealing with my UC. Most days it works, some days it doesn’t and I put my happy mask on and go about my day. Then there are days like today when I just don’t how I am going to get through the day and the 28 pills they ask me to take, maybe are 8 are a vitamin but I am still asked to take it.

I could feel this day coming on last night at church. I had a sudden feeling of just being run down. I have cried off and on since 4 am, I try not to cry in front of my husband or 14 yr old……… they still think I am Super Shannon and I like that. I try not to complain about the pain, I try not to complain about the disease but days like this make it so hard. I try to be strong but today is not that day, I need to be weak and my body needs to rest.

Lifehacks

Days like this are hard, I feel like my God has forgotten about me. I am doing a Bible devotional with the Bible app called Lifehacks: Practical Tips for Godly Habits. I had not done Day 1 for some reason but was on Day 3, I went back read it and it hit my soul. This is what I am dealing with today.

The first scripture today was Habakkuk 1:2

How long, O Lord, must I call for help?
But you do not listen!

“Violence is everywhere!” I cry,

but you do not come to save.

I am not so much crying about the violence but the pain that rages inside my body. The violence that my body creates by attacking itself day in and day out. I pray for relief and most days the pain is manageable but there are days when joy does not win and I am miserable.
The second scripture today was 1 Peter 1:6-7

There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. 7These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.

Be a Spoonie

I am convincing myself that it is ok not to have people days. It is ok to have a bad day, but I can’t live in the bad days. It is not a place I want to set up camp or residence. I have to take my days as the come and some days I just have to be a spoonie.

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