Nobody gets out alive
Laugh and don’t take things too seriously. In life, no one gets out alive.
Thoughts for the new year:
- Wouldn’t it be nice if when we messed up our life we could simply press ‘Ctr Alt Delete’ and start all over?
- Just remember, if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.
- If raising children was going to be easy, it would never have started with something called labor!
- Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
- But Most Of All, Remember! A Good Friend Is Like A Good Bra. Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable, And Always Close To Your Heart!
- I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
- Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
- The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
- Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
- Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
- In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
- How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
- Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, ‘I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?’
- Who was the first person to say, ‘See that chicken there? I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.’
- If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
- Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if he’s going to look up there anyway?
- Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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Love many, trust few, and paddle your own canoe.